Thursday, April 26, 2012

Stuff They Don't Teach You In Medical School: Inflight Emergencies

This is part of a series on medical school advice. To see the previous entry, click here.

Okay, so you don't really follow CPR guidelines, but what does he know? He's just some dumb kid.
(What's that you say? Not as dumb as the guy who Photoshopped this in the first place? SHADDAP.)

A few posts ago I wrote about how I single-handedly saved a beautiful woman from her heart exploding aboard a plane before making wild love to her and being dragged upstairs to the crew bedroom by about ten air stewardesses. Wait what? That didn't happen? Damn. I knew drinking coffee before bed would give me crazy dreams. Anyway,what I DID do was help a senior doctor resuscitate and take care of this elderly lady who had fainted after feeling dizzy on a long-haul flight. She had drunk more wine than she was used to before going to sleep.

I was woken up by the doctor's wife telling me that this lady was nearly unconscious. Halfway through rubbing my eyes, I remembered that I was a doctor and my brain started screaming the resus mnemonic at me. The air stewardess passed by, and I called her over and told her urgently "Get me a cup of water please".

"No, not water." Came the authoritative voice of Dr Baldy (not me, the other senior doctor. Imagine the rapper Pitbull except as a doctor. Wait, actually, that would make him Dr Evil. Never mind. --Editor).

I stopped. Both me and the stewardess looked at him.

"Bring her a cup of 7-Up instead. Just a small one," he said, and the stewardess nodded.

As she ran off, I asked Dr Baldy what type of doctor he was. "Oh, I'm a GP," he said. "What's with the 7-Up?" I followed. He proceeded to explain to me that in his experience as a GP, when people were feeling nauseous (like they're going to vomit), giving them plain water would often make them vomit, whereas a small quantity of a sugary carbonated drink actually helped fight the feeling and calmed them down somewhat. "7-Up seems to work the best, in my experience," he added. "I don't know why, but a lot of being a GP is working from experience".

He was right. The lady felt better and less thirsty, and she didn't throw up.

Later after the flight landed, I thanked him for the tip. "Any other last tips?" I asked him.

"Just one. Don't work in the NHS." He winked, put his arm around his wife, and headed for his connecting flight.

I started giggling like a schoolgirl going "ZOMG I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM" over and over again picked up my bags and also left. Who knew 7-Up could be so useful?

So kids, the next time you feel sick from catching a virus/eating bad food/reading this blog, remember - SIP SOME 7-UP, NOT WATER. See? Who said reading my blog wasn't educational?

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16 comments:

Anonymous said...

What were you two doing in economy in the first place? Aren't doctors meant to get automatic upgrades to business class on long haul flights? google it. you know i'm right

dr wannabe said...

ROFL loved the Dr Evil picture. I thought u were gonna make a Captian Picard one...

Anonymous said...

I noticed one of the pharmacists commented on ur FB page about this and had to ask the same q - where is the evidence base for it?? did he back it up with anything more than anecdotal evidence?? maybe U should do an RCT or a meta-analysis on it!!

Pharmexorcist

Anonymous said...

I heard that coke (the soft drink not the drug) works really well too, especially when its flat because then you don't get all gassy. I don't have any rct data though

medstudentitis said...

there is something about the carbonation and sugar that has a relaxing effect on the smooth muscle of the stomach.

The Quiet Storm said...

Yoohooo It took you 5 years to notice that I am no longer active on my website? Hellooooo LOL!!!

How's you? Where are you now? Interning? Pimping? Lactating? Tell me tell me tell meeeeee!!!!1 LOL

Pseudo_Doctor said...

what up bud! I know I'll try to bring it back for you but residency has kind of taken the writing out of me. How u doing? I about a year from being residency free!! Where did u end up?

The Angry Medic said...

Anonymous-Who-Should-Be-CEO-Of-Every-Airline-Ever: Damn straight man! I don't know, I think Malaysia Airlines' policy is to issue the attending doctor with free return tickets instead of a first class upgrade. Sadly he got to fill in the incident report form rather than me, so SADFACE.

The Angry Medic said...

Dr Wannabe: I was thinking about that, but then I thought it would be too obvious. Plus Dr Evil is an actual doctor. Aren't I witty? AHAHA. (Don't answer that)

Pharmexorcist: Hoo boy, not another one! I swear, you pharmacists must have it drilled into you in pharm school or something (along with workaholism). I should, shouldn't I? Maybe I'll even get published in the London Journal of Useless Facts and Pointless-As-Tits-On-A-Whale Studies (they rejected my last submission)

The Angry Medic said...

Unscientific Non-RCT-Data-Possessing Tsk-Tsk-For-Shame Anonymous: Actually, you just stumbled on MY personal cure for nausea. I was gonna write it here and call it "grandma's old cure" so people would think it was time-tested wisdom, but damn you blew my cover. Dangit.

The Angry Medic said...

Unscientific Non-RCT-Data-Possessing Tsk-Tsk-For-Shame Anonymous: Actually, you just stumbled on MY personal cure for nausea. I was gonna write it here and call it "grandma's old cure" so people would think it was time-tested wisdom, but damn you blew my cover. Dangit.

The Angry Medic said...

Medstudentitis: OMG! You're back! Even if it only for one comment...man this makes me miss the old days when I'd see a comment of yours on practically every post. I hope you're doing well, buddy.

The Angry Medic said...

The Quiet Storm: Well well if it ain't everybody's favourite princess! OMG. I'd tell you everything, but then tons of my female stalkers would track me down and break down my door. Got an email I can get you at? Or I'll take it to YOUR blog.

It's SO good to see you again babe.

The Angry Medic said...

Pseudo_Doctor: Whoa mate you're back! And you even have a new blog post! Oh we'll have you writing again in no time. Anyhoos, I've replied over at your place - can't go around giving out my personal details or my mobs of fangirls will track me down and make sweet sweet love to my bunghole. (Wait, why am I not giving out personal details then? Um. Anyway. Yeah. Your site.)

medstudentitis said...

I'm doing ok, but I'm an attending now, scary shit. No time for blogging.

The Angry Medic said...

Medstudentitis: Bloody hell, congrats! Has that much time passed? Maybe the career ladder across the pond is faster than in the UK where it takes bloody ages to become a consultant? Hmm. Another reason not to work in this bloody country.

But ocngrats old girl! Well deserved.