Stuff They Don't Teach You In Medical School: Inflight Emergencies

This is part of a series on medical school advice. To see the previous entry, click here.

Okay, so you don't really follow CPR guidelines, but what does he know? He's just some dumb kid.
(What's that you say? Not as dumb as the guy who Photoshopped this in the first place? SHADDAP.)

A few posts ago I wrote about how I single-handedly saved a beautiful woman from her heart exploding aboard a plane before making wild love to her and being dragged upstairs to the crew bedroom by about ten air stewardesses. Wait what? That didn't happen? Damn. I knew drinking coffee before bed would give me crazy dreams. Anyway,what I DID do was help a senior doctor resuscitate and take care of this elderly lady who had fainted after feeling dizzy on a long-haul flight. She had drunk more wine than she was used to before going to sleep.

I was woken up by the doctor's wife telling me that this lady was nearly unconscious. Halfway through rubbing my eyes, I remembered that I was a doctor and my brain started screaming the resus mnemonic at me. The air stewardess passed by, and I called her over and told her urgently "Get me a cup of water please".

"No, not water." Came the authoritative voice of Dr Baldy (not me, the other senior doctor. Imagine the rapper Pitbull except as a doctor. Wait, actually, that would make him Dr Evil. Never mind. --Editor).

I stopped. Both me and the stewardess looked at him.

"Bring her a cup of 7-Up instead. Just a small one," he said, and the stewardess nodded.

As she ran off, I asked Dr Baldy what type of doctor he was. "Oh, I'm a GP," he said. "What's with the 7-Up?" I followed. He proceeded to explain to me that in his experience as a GP, when people were feeling nauseous (like they're going to vomit), giving them plain water would often make them vomit, whereas a small quantity of a sugary carbonated drink actually helped fight the feeling and calmed them down somewhat. "7-Up seems to work the best, in my experience," he added. "I don't know why, but a lot of being a GP is working from experience".

He was right. The lady felt better and less thirsty, and she didn't throw up.

Later after the flight landed, I thanked him for the tip. "Any other last tips?" I asked him.

"Just one. Don't work in the NHS." He winked, put his arm around his wife, and headed for his connecting flight.

I started giggling like a schoolgirl going "ZOMG I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM" over and over again picked up my bags and also left. Who knew 7-Up could be so useful?

So kids, the next time you feel sick from catching a virus/eating bad food/reading this blog, remember - SIP SOME 7-UP, NOT WATER. See? Who said reading my blog wasn't educational?

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