Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Schizophrenia Jokes (Also It's Not Multiple Personality Disorder)

Let me preface this post with this warning: My life sucks nowadays. I wake up in the morning thinking "oh God not another new day". I go to sleep thinking "Yay, six whole hours of no one screwing with me". But I put on a happy face for my patients and a snarky face for my Twitter followers. Which leaves this blog as pretty much the only place I can really be myself. And today's one of those days when the whole weight of how much my life sucks is really pounding me in the face. 

So the last thing I need today is to see ONE smartass comment that totally pushes me over. To put it in context, here's the joke on my post I Haz A New Banner (Part Two) (in the italics under the photo):



Yes, I made a schizophrenia joke. Yes, it's a bad one. And YES, I FREAKING KNOW THAT SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NOT THE SAME AS MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, OKAY? But it's a longstanding common misperception that it is, and in everyday humour, the two are taken to be the same. THIS IS NOT JUST ME; check out these jokes:
I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

National Schizophrenic's Convention: Anybody who's everybody will be there!

If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?

I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other.

Paranoid schizophrenic: Are you staring at us?

(all from Joke Buddha: Schizophrenic Jokes)

Hell, one blogger even started a collection of schizophrenic jokes. Here's a sample:
I've half a mind to go to that meeting on schizophrenia tonight.
 

Did you hear about the panto that was held in aid of the Schizophrenia Association? It descended into chaos when someone shouted "He's behind you!"

When is a man two men? When he is beside himself.

 
Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

So schizophrenia has always been portrayed as multiple personality disorder in the mass media, even though every medical student in diapers knows that's not the case. And I certainly am not above cracking the same jokes to make people smile.

Then this high-and-mighty Lord Psychiatrist dude comes and puts this comment on my above post:
Nerd
Psychiatrist said...
As a supposed Cambridge Medical Graduate you should know better than thinking schizophrenia refers to split personalities that talk to one another.

Schizophrenia translates as "splintered mind" which unfortunately has meant that the whole world believes that it refers to people with multiple personalities. A more accurate interpretation of the nomenclature would be that individuals are splintered from reality, with manifestations of psychosis, delusional thought, neologisms, thought withdrawal/insertion/broadcasting and passivity. They do often get auditory hallucinations, sometimes even coming from a part of their body, but schizophrenics never believe that those voices are another personality within them.

Oh man. Oh MAN.

I realise I may have overreacted, but like I said, I'm having a very bad day. Just like everybody else. So this was my reply:
Psychiatrist: Bitch please. I have a MA from Cambridge in Experimental Psychology. My Psych supervisor was Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, BAFTA-nominated father of modern autism and cousin to actor Sacha Baron-Cohen, and he described my dissertation on 'The Magnocellular Theory of Autism and Dyslexia' as "excellent". I could reel off the Schneiderian first-rank symptoms like a well-oiled engine after my first week of psych. So YES, I THINK I KNOW WHAT SCHIZOPHRENIA FREAKING IS.

However, as a supposed psychiatrist YOU should know that it is a common misconception that schizophrenia and MPD are the same thing, and jokes to that effect are so common they have become part of popular culture. So if you want to correct me, go shove your judgment up the arse of every single clown out there who has ever made the joke. Start by Googling 'schizophrenia jokes'. The first page itself will give YOU voices in your head.

If you need more proof, here is me correcting Adam Kay of physician musical duo Amateur Transplants on the same mistake over two weeks ago. I regret it now. He must have had the same resignation in his head at being shot down by a fellow physician WHO FREAKING WELL KNOWS that he suffered just as much as I did to pass his finals and he's making the joke for comedy value AND NOTHING ELSE. 

I hate, HATE it when people play the Cambridge card on me. Do you know what most doctors' reactions are when they find out I'm from Cambridge? Do you think they are filled with admiration and fall at my feet? No. Most of them immediately hate me, or think I'm an arrogant twat who thinks I'm God's gift to medicine and descended to Earth in a beam of light from Heaven with a Russian church choir singing freaking Carmina Burana in the background.  

Me Descending From Heaven


Every time I make a mistake it's Cambridge this, Cambridge that.

"What do you mean, you couldn't take blood from her? Didn't they teach you that at Cambridge?"

"You've never done this procedure before? But I thought you went to Cambridge?"

"You can't handle this surgery by yourself? Are you sure you went to Cambridge?"

So if you think I walk around all day with a massive neon sign above my head saying "LOL I WENT TO CAMBRIDGE LOL" expecting people to fall at my feet and nurses to rip off their clothing at the very sight of me, think again. I never, EVER tell anyone I work with. I just say I went to Imperial College London and leave it at that.

What do you think? Was I too harsh, or am I justified? I've had a bad day.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you are hysterically funny. But wait! Another psychiatric term gone bad!

Anonymous said...

you are too harsh,

you are justified, always (and I write this only because you want to read that, of course you aren't justified, though you're more than able to justify yourself always, and that counts),

and you've had bad day, again (we totally love you anyway).

Anonymous said...

OVERREACTED!!
but that's who you are. its fine.

do not stress.

That Cambridge Medic from the Other Day said...

Kinda makes you wonder why we bothered in the first place, doesn't it...:P

Cambridge Medicine...lol

First time reader said...

If you hate being made fun of for going to Cambridge, perhaps you should refrain from mentioning it constantly.

just sayin

Another medic said...

Don't worry, it should be obvious that things that are jokes cannot be taken as textbook examples of schizophrenia. Whoever it was should have realized that in the end, it was all satire/humour and should laugh it off, rather than subscribing to your blog to learn medicine.

Or perhaps, he was lost and was looking for an angry medic's rant on how ICD-10 and DSM-IV differs on related schizophrenia disorders (like how DSM-IV classified schizotypal disorders as personality disorders but not psychotic disorders; so you can be psychotic in UK but just have a personality disorder in US).

Me said...

I've no idea why he claims he graduated from cambridge. we LOVE him anyway (yes, he graduated from some s***h***).

WE COLLECTIVELY LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!

Seconder to First Time Reader said...

Yeah sure you're "ashamed" that you went to cambridge. Yet your blog heading only mentions that you went to "Cambridge", no mention of imperial.

You have a picture of King's chapel, but not the The Queen's tower.

Your side bar has 4 mentions of the world cambridge but only one of imperial.

Your twitter profile reads:

"Tweeting medical advice, stories and humour. *Cambridge*-trained. As seen in The Guardian UK newspaper"

Also, please stop continuing to mislead people over your qualifications. You have a BA in Experimental Psychology, not an MA. The Cambridge MA isn't worth the paper its printed on.

NOT A TROLL, JUST PISSED said...

And also, this post is damned well f**king insulting to Imperial Graduates. What?! Imperial medics are automitaclly assumed to be less knowledgable than cambridge medics? Its okay for an Imperial graduate to not know stuff because they didn't go to Cambridge?

I bet you'll find that if you go to ANY hospital outside of London (even the John Radcliffe and Addenbrooke's) you'll have consultants saying the same thing about Imperial Graduates. "Oh how can you not know that, I thought you went to Imperial", "Didn't they teach you that at Imperial" etcetera. Same is true for UCL, GKT.

Ironic that by posting this supposed rant on anti-Cambridge elitism you have subconsciously revealed yourself as a Cambridge elitest twat.

Although we probably already knew that anyway.

Laura said...

Eh, I tend to agree with the 'psychiatrist' commenter, but I like to think I wouldn't have expressed it in such an asinine way.
The schizophrenia/multiple personality disorder thing is a pet peeve of mine, and I'm a "be the change you wish to see in the world" type of person. So I'm never going to do it myself, and if I can stop the people around me from doing it, I will.

Also frustrating, when a college teacher made the mistake of confusing them... he was not a psychology teacher. I'm still not quite sure what his qualifications were. It was not the only thing he got wrong during the class. I think it was some sort of general health class?

Jason Lee CY said...

descended to Earth in a beam of light from Heaven with a Russian church choir singing friggin' Carmina Burana in the background.

I see what you did there. Tee hee....

Anonymous said...

1. You do not have a MA in Experimental psychology, you have an MA in medical science where you learned some psych for a year
2. Having a supervisor famous for his work in autism, with a celebrity cousin, does not automatically imply that you know what schizophrenia is.
3. Why perpetuate the common misconception that people with schizophrenia have split personality, if you know otherwise? You might as well tell jokes about how women can't park and German's steal sun loungers - and we've already got Jim Davidson for that.

ImAFatBastardWhoAteMyKitten said...

You don't know how to make good memes? I thought you went to Cambridge...

LCPL said...

Dude, I really want to reply individually to all these frothing-at-the-mouth enraged hate posts that you're getting right now...

I don't see how you 'insulted' any Imperial people.

London is represented very well on your header with that Big Ben thing and all.

Everyone, chillax, yo. "Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused."

Anonymous said...

I have paranoid schizophrenia and I was trying to find some good jokes about my illness and stumbled upon your blog. Your jokes are crap and you should ask Sasha Baron Cohen for some advice!!!!

Anonymous said...

Here's a thought.

What if that psychiatrist wasn't actually a psychiatrist?

What if he was just another troll?

What if this troll was using being a psychiatrist as a ruse to get you to feed him.

What if he/the numerous other trolls on this blog are now feasting on this all-you-can-eat buffet you just served up.

What if you just looked like a moron for feeding trolls on your blog?

Just a thought...

--Sunrise-- said...

I don't think you should shy away from saying you're from Cambridge. But, like Seconder to First Time Reader says, you are definitely not shying away from saying you're a Cantab. I don't think either matters either way - you could be a Hull York graduate and be a cocky arse or an Oxon and humble as pie or vice versa. It's what you want to make of yourself as a human being, and I certainly don't follow your blog because you're a Cantab. I follow it because I like the Editor's comments in brackets, actually. :-)

I think your response to Psychiatrist was a bit harsh, but then so was his/her lecturing you on Schizophrenia... sheesh! It reminds me of some cartoon I saw somewhere... 'What? You're trying to start a fight on the internet? What you gonna do? Caps lock me to death?' or something like that :P

Funnily enough, I think the opposite when I think of Cantabs/Oxons/Imperial - in the medical profession that is - I feel their clinical skills are not as competent as say a Liverpool or a Manchester graduate, PURELY BECAUSE THEY DON'T START CLINICALS UNTIL FOURTH YEAR. (Including intercalating, correct me if I'm wrong). In my head (/bubble), I imagine Ox/Cam/Imp graduates (although slightly less so with Imp) as people who would be interested in doing all the crazy competitive top specialities and being very very research-oriented in their career paths. I almost imagine that's why they would WANT to go to Ox/Cam in the first place - because of the extremely high emphasis on learning the sciences before starting the clinicals, and by naturally having a passion for the sciences, I just imagine most of them would want to continue that further into their career lives. Why do I say this? Because I don't think academics = clinical medicine. So it actually makes somewhat of a sense that they may NOT actually know how to say put in a cannula or catheterise a patient in their third year of med school compared to other "lower"/PBL med schools where they would be expected to know the skill at least, even if not practise it on real patients yet. And how does this matter? Purely by the logic that if you have had longer to practise it, you are probably going to be better at it. That doesn't mean we won't all catch up and be awesome doctors one day, it just means I think Oxbridge grads may have a slight disadvantage when it comes to doing practical skills in the working world.

Having said that, they may have a better advantage in diagnosing things or answering questions on anatomy and physiology like bam-bam-bam in ward rounds. (Let me tell you I am studying at a PBL university with little, LITTLE focus on anat and physiol and we are almost hanging our heads in shame and embarrassment when it comes to anat and physio in ward rounds... so not saying any university is perfect either :P)

So at the end of this ramble, I hope things work out for you soon enough :-)

Anonymous said...

I think you need to get laid with a disabled patient that went to cambridge

Kay said...

It's your blog, your rules. React however you wish and it is entirely your right to do so. Sometimes, no one is in the mood for pomposity.

Just say, though, that I am so incredibly jealous of the fact that you know Simon Baron Cohen. My son is autistic, and the insight gained from Dr. Baron Cohen's work has proved invaluable in getting through to him and understanding why he acts the way he does. Such an amazing man, it must have been incredible to have him as your supervisor. I wish I could hug him, because his research has contributed so much to the understanding of autism and has made it possible for kids like my son to make huge strides in coping with the world.

I should probably stop gushing over him now. It's just that I'm a big fan.

Shireen Pannu said...

It may be a tad harsh but it's your blog and hence, it's justified...in my mind anyways.
Great writing though so keep up the awesome work ;)

Anonymous said...

What do we want?! A cure for Tourette's!!!!!
When do we want it???! Cunt.

Ms-Ellisa said...

Well one of my personalities thinks you're justified,

another one (the 80s one) thinks *someone* needs a chill pill,

another one (the nerdy one) debates why a real psychiatrist would a.get into trouble correcting another qualified doctor on b.sth so trivial on c.a personal blog which d. is clearly aimed at entertaining (mostly),

and the last one (my favorite) is still laughing at the "behold" pic giggling "classic Angry!!"

We held a meeting and we all voted for you.

Jury decides- he's justified.

*wait!!! Is that a bell ringing????*

Anonymous said...

I love your blog! I have found humor has helped me get through all the levels of shit life has to offer. I also recently decided to share my amazingly bizarro conversations with my 55 yr old schizophrenic sister: batshitcrazytweeling.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/that-404-feeling/
It amazes me that so many people do not share my smiles. A few of my family and I have been sharing them for decades, to the others she is a burden...

Life is so damned funny, how can you not laugh at the absurdity? An angry friend ones said God Laughs at Us! I like to think, he is laughing with us and just waiting for an eternity for us to 'get it'

Anonymous said...

Totally justified in having a rant. I'm a psych trainee, and can't see why anybody would be pissed off at your cartoon (apart from the fact, sadly, that it was just a little bit shit). Whether you went to Cambridge or a shithole like Oxford, I imagine every doctor in the country knows schizophrenia is nothing to do with multiple personalities, and I think every doctor should know every other doctor knows that, and if they refer to it as being something to do with multiple personalities, it's in jest. but some people are dicks...

Sabrina said...

F*** the haters, you rock!

Anonymous said...

I understand your reaction and while it might have been over the top, I can identify with the annoyance.

Here's a suggestion for those who don't get the humour:

"oh dear, you thought I was SERIOUS?? Really?"

Anonymous said...

Interestingly, one of my child alters asked to see some MPD/DID jokes when we came accross your blog. My ranting and often angry alter got a huge kick out of the blog and insisted we read the whole damn thing. Perhaps we will send the link to our brother if he comes back to reality...at the moment he is waiting to hear from his superiors at the CIA and hiding from some dude in the FBI who wants to frame him for something or other. That is to say, if his meds start working. The sad thing is that nothing said where was a joke.

Your blog was enjoyed, it was obvious you were playing with the misconception of dissociative identity disorder and schizophrenia. I would think anyone with half a brain would have seen that. Hell, my brain is compartmentalized into 13 parts and even the 6 year old part knew what you were doing. It goes to show you that an education does not equal common sense nor a sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I'm a schizophrenic and you're an ignorant twat who sounds like an ignorant twat. All I read on this post is: "Hey look, someone has a shittier life then me let's laugh at them because I'm a smart-ass from Cambridge har har har. Just kidding, I've studied the textbooks I don't mean any of it I'm just taking this class because I really need it." Take a good hard look in the mirror and honestly SAY you value your life, sanity, and freedom more than I do mine. :) One day, when YOU yourself hear voices let's hope they come with an off switch...

Wow that sounded kind of mean. Oh, I'm sorry did I get offended?? Maybe I might struggle with the very thing you appear to have like noooo comprehension of, or are feigning retardation from, for attention.

Hey, it could be worse. Thank YOU for making MY day. Bitch.

Anonymous said...

Here's a thought. Perhaps you could make a joke about black men having big penises, or about tight-fisted Jewish people? Then you could say you don't know what all the fuss is about -- surely it's a common conception that black men have big penises and that Jewish people are stingy? Then you could point out that other people making the same jokes. All of which would leave you completely justified in peddling inaccurate stereotypes surely?

And leaving aside the above, if you want to claim provide humour, why present such worn out old jokes?

Shrinked Immaculate said...

maybe you need a shrink?

CUNSPEARASEE said...

I suffer from schizophrenia and stumbled on this by searching for "jokes about schizophrenia" in Google. The jokes ARE funny and it IS humorous that MPD is confused with the most debilitating mental illness known to man. I have a dry and sarcastic sense of humor and feel that reinforcing the misconception of what schizophrenia is actually helps real sufferers of schizophrenia hide their illness. If you act like you believe sz is multiple personalities to coworkers, etc. then those who are suspicious you have it may decide that you don't have a diagnosis if you are wrong about what sz really is. If you are schizo then how could you possibly be wrong about it's definition? So thanks for the laughs, although "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I" comes from the movie 'What About Bob?' starring Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray. They didn't teach you how to properly use citations at Cambridge?��

Also, here's one more subpar joke...

Why did the schizophrenic cross the road? So he'd be hit by a car and die.

Anonymous said...

Schizophrenia jokes sometimes cheer me up, but I don't understand most of them as they refer to MPD. The hostage one made me smile though. I never get offended by jokes, but well, I just can't relate and that's why they're not funny.

catherine said...

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