Saturday, September 15, 2007

She Did NOT Just Say That!

Running through my notes, I was reminded of a few quotes by our last Pathology lecturer for the year, who had a reputation for dropping quotes like a B-52 over Kabul. Seeing the popularity of this old post, whose aftermath (I believe) included a coma, a divorce, and a great reduction in applications to Cambridge, I decided to share some of this wisdom so that you, too, can be inspired, be awakened, and throw that med school prospectus the hell away already.

"I will tolerate no phones ringing. If you have your cell phone, please, give yourselves a cheap thrill and set it to vibrate." -- beginning her first lecture.

"Some of you may have heard from less-than-pleased ex-students of mine that Professor Stanley is obsessed with sex.

*pause for effect*

This is true."
-- introduction to her first lecture (Tumour Biology of all things. But she did describe the reproduction of her lab mice in excruciating projectile-vomit-causing detail.)

"Hypertrophy is a response to excessive or prolonged demand, such as in the pregnant uterus - they don't call it labour for nothing."

"Semen is a most dangerous substance. Always avoid it at all costs. Research has shown that it gives you the biggest tumour of all - pregnancy." -- explaining how squamous metaplasia is caused in the uterus.

"Some of these names are very old - we've used them since pussy was a cat." -- introducing the terms 'melanoma' and 'seminoma'.

"Normal tissue is ordered and structured, like the dancers in Strictly Come Dancing. Cancerous tissue, then, is like the Strictly Come Dancing afterparty." -- quite self-explanatory really

"Bitter experience has taught me that 80% of this lecture theatre will not know what 'faecal' means, and that I must use language appropriate to your generation - this, ladies and gentlemen, is shit."

And they say med school lecturers are boring.

Angry Medic Execution Countdown Update! Well, it's exam weekend again, and I'm terrified to the point of wearing adult diapers. It's kinda all on the line this time. But hey, on Friday I'll be home free and able to update again, despite the fact that my fate hangs in the balance and will be announced the week after. So for all you people out there whom I haven't pissed off yet (yes, I'm talking to all three of you) now would be a good time to cross your fingers/say a prayer/sacrifice a virgin princess on my behalf.

Thanks, and see you all soon! (If you don't hear from me, though, send the police here. I'll be in my Darth Vader costume, so whoever finds me first gets it!)


Jason said...

Some of these names are very old - we've used them since pussy was a cat.


Damn...wish I had witty lecturers like that. All the best in your exams buddy!

Xavier Emmanuelle said...

Good luck good luck good luck good luck good luck!!


Ms-Ellisa said...

These sound like funny lectures... The closest we've had to that was a teacher who spoke inanciating every single word while rising her voice: "This is the female reproductive system. The male reproductive system will be shown to you by Mr X, who is the EXPERT on that".
We all made the connection...

HospitalPhoenix said...

Hmm, I'm all for the use of humour in education, but this lecturer sounds a bit gratuitous, or perhaps lacking in frontal-lobe.

All the best in the exam, btw. If your lack of blogging is anything to go by, you'll have done plenty work and should be fine :)

Anonymous said...

Love, love, love to you, Angry. You are in my thoughts and heart always, tracy

Anonymous said...

Dear Aggry,
Prayers for your exams, you will do just fine this time, momma tracy says so, dah-ling...and NO bodies in rivers...!!!!! No matter what! But we all know you have nutin' to worry about.
Much love, tracy

Anonymous said...

Dear Aggry,
Prayers for your exams, you will do just fine this time, momma tracy says so, dah-ling...and NO bodies in rivers...!!!!! No matter what! But we all know you have nutin' to worry about.
Much love, tracy

Anonymous said...


Elaine said...

Good to see you back in the blogosphere, Angry. The very best of luck in the exams. I shall remember you in my prayers tomorrow.

SeaSpray said...

Hahahahaha! those are a riot!! She's funny!

You WILL do well. look forward to hearing your good news. :)

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way medic. :)

Nathan said...

Good luck man. If you've been putting half the energy you used on this blog in the past into your studying, I'm sure you'll do well.

chocolat chaud :) said...


those quotes remind me LOTS bout my law lecturer. tho instead of being related to medicine, they're all law inclined :)

you'll do fine, fache.

Anonymous said...

You do realise that it was part of the pathology lecture course which is for NatScis and medics just happen to tag along to those same lectures? NatScis are far superior to medics :P If u want a real medical school, come to London!

Jill said...

aaronnnn!! i still have not forgotten bout you forgetting my bday!! ;P *simmer simmer* nasib baik u kat UK, n i is no have your number... or else... :P

visesh said...

Hwy dude, hilarious post. She was an awesome lecturer...!

What exams do you have? I've got both NHB and HR:(

See you soon,


eugene lau said...

Tsk, tsk, you must realise that was some of the reasons that WILL MAKE people apply to Cambridge. (I mean, it DID make me go to lectures at a higher frequency)

Good luck for your exams (as if you need it). And if we did find you in the river, you were probably doing the BIG NASTY (*hint* its what the lecturers taught us *hint*) on a punt and fell in.

Take care, and we can celebrate once I get back to Cambridge.

origin said...

What a refreshing bit of air. Living in the buckle of the Bible belt as I do, my lecturers were almost afraid to say the word "darn" for fear of picketing by Fred Phelps or someone.

I won't wish you luck on your exams, because it won't be luck. You've studied hard and you know your stuff. So go get 'em!

Anonymous said...

Angry I know you'll do great on your exams!
And like Tracy said, please no bodies in the river!!

patientanonymous said...

You know...a few years back when some of those wacky people said I should gone to medical school (and I laughed like a fool) well, maybe I should have. I wonder if the lectures would have been as good here...

But nah...I'm sure I would have killed someone by the time I graduated at what 50, 60 years old? And at the bottom of my class...I'm 37 now.

And interestingly enough...I always come by when you're heading off to exams. You'll do a great job...don't worry.

ditzydoctor said...

all the bestest angryyyyy :) you can do it! :) many thanks for the laughter of this post!

Doc's Girl said...

OMG....that is hilarous! I want a professor like that for my classes!!!!! :-P

Good luck on your exams!

Anonymous said...

oi saruman. did it occur to u that if u were in another medical school ie peninsula or UEA you wouldnt have had to do retakes coz their exams are a piece of cake.

fh said...

LOL! That's hilarious! I'd like her opposed to OUR path profs. Could give them a disempaction, really. (though, as a previous comment stated, I won't rule out frontal lobe damage lol!)

Good luck on your exams! I'm sure you'll do great. :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Angry Medic,

i want to whip your ass with my giant leather whip. and then spray whipped cream all over.


Aki said...

That's so nice. I hope my lecturers will be as funny as that.

zoo said...

it's past friday.


Anonymous said...

Dear Angry Medic,

you should dress up as a horse so i can ride you and whip you when you get lazy.

fat bob

Dr. Deb said...

Stimulating to say the least!

Anonymous said...

Dear Angry Medic,

I see you have a Darth Vader fetish.

may i see your lightsaber?

Anonymous said...

Daer Angy, whrer are you, my sweet cheeks,tracy

911DOC said...

is she american? she seems as vulgar as we are. i love her.

PhD scientist said...

Some good lines there, but the only slight surprise is that your pathologist is female - the tenor of the remarks is (in my experience of med schools) pretty much standard spiel for pathologists. The Path Gang are definitely the black humour champs / after-hours comics of the medical lecturing biz - easily the most entertaining talkers.

In the med school where I work, our resident pathologist/stand up comic has a SLR - that's Sh*t (mention of) to Lecture Ratio - of close to 1.0. I've heard him shoehorn the subject of poo into undergrad lectures on asthma pathology, anaemias, thrombosis - the man is a legend. Heaven only knows what his G-I pathology lectures are like. Finally, when a student spotted him parking a large hearse-shaped people carrier with fold-down seats , he explained that he drove it so that he could take his work home with him.

Argus Lou said...

O hai! Just droppin' by to see if you're well, k?

Anonymous said...

Annnngggrrrryyyyy, Where are you...???!!!! I need my "fix" and I can only go to Dr. Gwande's site and look at his pictures (yes, there is a collection of them, mostly him in scrubs and a mask...ever notice how great everone looks in a surgical mask...? I need to be a surgeon...or live in a strict Islamic country...bring on the veil or burqua!). Okay, now see, I'm so upset, I got all off topic...please come back soon.

miss you, love ya, tracy

toby said...

Either you're still celebrating, still hungover or still trying to find your way home.
So, congrats and enjoy the clinical course, the intercalated degree, whatever...
Erm, or commiserations. Have you considered London for a change of scenery? It's a lot more fun than Cambridge.

Xavier Emmanuelle said...

Dear Angry Medic,
We, the readers, would like to know how your exams went! You see we care about you, even though we've only ever met you via internet, and we would love to hear that you've done well.
Yes, I'm procrastinating again, time to get back to my textbooks.

fh said...

HELLO? It's Friday! Are you free yet or does Cam has the annoying custom of leaving stupid practicals for the evening too? C'mon we can't wait anymore!

Ed Moran said...

Some years since I was Cambridge. Peterhouse. I was from a state school - how could I know? The mad prof in physiology began the first practical of the year by announcing, "and in the event of a fire the fire escape is at the far end of laboratory. However it passes through Experimental Psychology so if I were you I would take my chances with the fire."

All the best.

Anonymous said...

angry....I really can't go check the river because I'm not anywhere near England. Please post soon, I need some humour in my life.

Anonymous said...

dear angry medic,

i want to dress u up as a horsie and play veterinarian with u.

after that we can play doctor.

where are u angry?


The Angry Medic said...

Sorry for the delay guys, I was busy getting restraining orders. Definitely against Sex-Crazed Vet Anonymous up there. Gosh, isn't BeastTube.Com enough for you anymore? :)

Yes I is alive! And it looks as if I might get through this after all. Update coming soon! (And thank you thank you THANK YOU all for your concern.)

nemesis-on-fire said...


i love her already :P

btw, i tagged u.


oh, how was exams?

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