Thursday, January 25, 2007

He Did NOT Just Say That! (With Bonus HospitalPhoenix Update!)

Emperor George W. Bush

Common sense dictates that the more often you post on your blog, the more readers you have. It follows from that that when your readership increases, you should post more in order to keep those readers. Unfortunately, common sense is not so common, and especially so for a brain-damaged medic living in the bubble of isolation that is Cambridge University. So to make up for the lack in long posts, I've decided to shamelessly rip off Calavera's 'Heard Around The Hospital' idea and leave you with a few quotes before my next long post, which should be up sometime soon. For now, sit back and relax, as I give you an insider's glimpse into the staggering intellectual genius of Cambridge University:

"It's not part of the course. How can you expect me to know it?" --a Cambridge student to his supervisor, when asked if he had any common sense.

"All I took out of that lecture was cervical mucus." --another medic, after a particularly stimulating lecture on Human Reproduction.

"There are 3 possible combinations for this bond. For two bonds there are obviously 3x3 possible combinations, and 3x3 = 10." --our Biochemistry lecturer during a 9am lecture after a particularly long night.

"These poisons are poisonous." --official safety guideline in a Biochemistry Practical Instruction Sheet.

"The menopausal woman is an unstable oestrogen starved woman who is responsible for untold misery of alcoholism, drug addiction, divorce and broken homes" --our Medical Sociology lecturer, unintentionally giving us too much information on his love life.

"You are legally entitled to keep up to one third of a body indefinitely." --an anatomy demonstrator.

"Then we have the rectum...we don't really use that here in Britain." --our Pharmacology lecturer, during a lecture on sites of drug administration.

(Just in case any of you were wondering, no, I didn't take any of this off Facebook, you louts. --Editor.)*


*(Okay, maybe one or two. --Ed)

P.S. He probably thinks I'm stalking him by now, but everyone's favourite phoenix HospitalPhoenix has lived up to his name and started another blog, HP does MMC. He details his trials and tribulations of applying for a job in the fine warm mess the government has plopped out of its rear end onto us all, MMC. Go over and leave a supportive comment before, as he puts it in his own words, his blog is "culled by the 'delete' button if it all gets too much".

26 comments:

EL said...

Haha, so funny. I remember hearing some of those quotes personally in the lecture hall.

Keep up the good work, the medical world needs more humor especially with so much problems medical students are faced with.

lx said...

"You are legally entitled to keep up to one third of a body indefinitely." --an anatomy demonstrator.

lol if thats true then things could get a lot more interesting around here.. =P

Calavera said...

Hah! Some of them are laugh-out-loud funny!

Though... 'these poisons are poisonous?' No shit, Sherlock...

the little medic said...

hehe! Very funny.
That should become a regular feature :)

Dan said...

yes. i agree. especially with random heads of state spouting random lines that a cambridge medic would be proud of.

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

I've been in a blue funk this week--and I knew that I could come here and get a giggle. Thank you for cheering me up!

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

Speaking of quotes, today I was talking to a patient about his doctor's fears that he has lung cancer, and then I listened to his lungs---and I accidentally said: "Take some deep deaths...." (Big oops, there...)

The Angry Medic said...

EL: Whoa, I finally get a comment from Your Lordship! Amazing. I'm flabbergasted.

LX: Oi. No getting ideas now. Cambridge medics adorning their windows with bones and scaring tourists shitless is bad enough. Don't go quoting me! :)

Calavera: I know! The writers obviously didn't think much of our intelligence.

I'll reply your email soon...haven't yet cos I'm still waiting for something. All will be explained!

Little Medic: Heh. Thanks. I dunno, Cal might not like me regularly plagiarising her. (Normally the people I plagiarise from don't know about it, see.) Though there's certainly no shortage of silly people saying stupid things here...

Dan: Thanks for the haircut mate! I am once more hot-looking and getting lots of girls. I owe all my pulls in clubs to you now. Oh yes.

The Angry Medic said...

Bohemian Road Nurse: You said WHAT? Good Lord. Tongue slips are so much more hilarious in medicine partly cos they tend to scare the patient shitless, don't they? :)

Also, whilst we're talking quotes, there's a line in the new (and great) film 'Notes From A Scandal' where Judi Dench says "They do things differently here in bourgeois Bohemia". Guess who I thought of :)

Dr. A said...

Thanks for the phoenix update. I was just over there to leave a comment...

Shinga said...

Excellent compilation.

One of my personal favourites is some time ago when I fractured my wrist. The doctor examining it asked which year I was in. After answering the question he said, "Oh, it's just as well you didn't do this next year and interfere with your finals". I knew what he meant, but still...

Regards - SHinga

Xavier Emmanuelle said...

Hey,
Thanks for the comment on my blog! I love the pharmacology professor's quote!
Yes - student life just wouldn't be the same without essays (I'm FINALLY finished them). About the whole balancing ballet and school thing - in high school I had it down pat, but now more and more of my time is being devoted to papers and midterms, and I'm finding myself danceing less and less. I really see what you mean about how hard it is to keep everything in balance. I'm not even in med school yet - heaven help me then.
Off to lectures,
Xavier

The Angry Medic said...

Doc A: Glad it was useful to someone. (At least when I fail my exams due to blogaholism I can assuage my conscience...)

Shinga: Good Lord. Did HE realise what he'd implied? And they say Communications Skills classes are a waste of time...

Xavier: My secret is simple. I don't study. I just blog and bum around a lot, and then I pray really REALLY hard in exam term :)

HospitalPhoenix said...

I'd never considered it stalking... more like having a parent around who wants to know what I'm up to ;)

Thanks for the mention

Calavera said...

HP you're back! Now to check out the blog!

And Angry - no worries about the plagiarism! :D

Dan said...

someday i'm gonna have to charge you for haircuts.. :P

Calavera said...

Hahahahaahah!! That track that you linked to in the comment section of my blog is HILARIOUS!!! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!

The Angry Medic said...

Dan: Eh. At the rate of inflation, you'll have to give them free for at least a coupla years more. Besides, I pay you back with lunch in Jesus, don't I?

Calavera: Told you :) Therapeutic isn't it? Glad it made you feel better :P

Dan said...

not lunch. formal. speaking of which, can i enlist your help to e-mail your hall steward to get 20 seats for a cumas postgrad formal? i really need to do something as the postgrad rep..

The Angry Medic said...

Dan: I've replied your comment on your blog. Be happy to. Tell me when. I love bringing people to formal at Jesus.

We DO, after all, have the hottest waitresses in Cambridge.

(Okay, with the possible exception of Robinson.)

Dan said...

are you referring to agnes again?

Dan said...

agnes is too short and noisy to be hot!!

The Angry Medic said...

Dan: What the...?

Since when was Agnes a waitress in Jesus?

(No, she is NOT hot man.)

Sir William Harvey (Dec'd) said...

"I just blog and bum around a lot, and then I pray really REALLY hard in exam term"

Reminds me of another Cambridge quote (from the University Catholic Chaplain); "Prayer is a great aid to revision, but no substitute for it"

Sadly, my empirical studies showed this to be true...

The Angry Medic said...

Sir William Harvey: Good Lord! You're ALIVE? Did you know they have a lecture theatre at Addenbrooke's named after you?

Hahaha...that is a good one. I've always wanted to meet the Catholic Chaplain. I hear he's a funny guy. He'd get along well with our chaplain at Jesus, whom when I last met and told "Nice to see you sir" replied with a deadpan "Yes, I wish I could say the same to you".

Argus Lou said...

Incredible quotes!
My bro was in medical college in India and one of his male classmates hacked off a phallus (from a cadaver, I must add) and surreptitiously put it in the apron pocket of a female classmate.
There must be better ways of getting the attention of a cute classmate, you'd think.
And to think that only 'A' students make it to medicine.