Twitter Thursday (Okay So It's Not Thursday)

A lot of people who read this blog aren't on Twitter, which means they miss out on the amazing humour and incisive wit that I spread there. (I don't care what you say, toilet jokes are classified as "amazing humour". That and jokes about Justin Bieber's gender. See, I type "Justin Bieber's gender" and I already feel like laughing. HAHAHAHA. Sue me. --Editor) So I thought in addition to my Heard Around The Hospital series on Mondays, I would pick the best tweets throughout the week and compile them here on Thursdays. Then call it Twitter Thursdays (check out that alliteration. Aren't I witty?). Here's a sample of tweets from the past week and before, both others and mine:

Twitter Comedians

Many Twitter users dedicate their accounts to funny tweets and humour. These are often the most popular with thousands of followers, and they work their asses off to come up with new funny stuff every day.

  Selah ‏@aThumper

First u forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up; finally, you forget to pull it down. - George Burns.

  James Moriarty ‏@_JMoriarty

Best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't hygiene, it's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

Spencer Porter @porters
A girl swiftly rubbing your back during a hug is the physical manifestation of the friend zone.

carol to the ann ‏@cazzastrophe
Starting to think that men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do.

Dr Dementia ‏@Doctor_Dementia
I came face to face with a stroke victim last night & we had a massive argument. It was pretty one sided. 

Fun With Hashtags

One of the most popular activities (read: time-wasters to avoid revising/working/talking to your family at dinner) is tweeting the Trends. This is when some topic becomes talked about by so many people that Twitter puts it on its 'Trending' page, and everyone joins in to tweet about that theme. For example, 'RIP Justin Bieber' has been trending for the past two days. I have to change my pants every time I read that.

Trends are usually preceded by a hashtag, as in the examples below:

Sophie Knight @SophieJLS1D
#LiesGirlsTellForAttention *upload facebook picture* ohhh I'm so ugly

#LifesStuff @Vainases
#IfItWasntForTwitter how else could all the beliebers annoy everyone?

Darcy Dick @darcydick
#LessAmbitiousNovels The Girl With The Temporary Tattoo

The Angry Medic @theangrymedic

#LessAmbitiousNovels The Above Average Gatsby

President Snow @President_Snow
#LessAmbitiousNovels The Not So Hungry Games.

My Stupendously Handsome Twitter Profile Pic

I have found a curious trend: people with loads of followers on Twitter sometimes aren't very funny. They're just chicks who take dubiously-angled photos of themselves in tank tops and make them profile pictures, and BAM! A thousand (new) followers. So I decided to do as the Romans do and changed my slightly, uh, scary profile pic to that of another famous Doctor whom I'm totally mistaken for all the time:

An angry Doctor. Geddit? Totally looks like me.

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
My brain exploded. Need a brain transplant. Was told transplant list is 2 years long because all the world's politicians are on it. #fail

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
Variation: Prof: How does the rectum feel? Student: uh, warm? RT @NeesaAmran: #ThingsUShouldntSay during a rectal exam "Aah that feels nice"

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
#ThingsUShouldntAskUrDr "Doc, I got a papercut. I think I have flesh-eating bacteria! I read about it online."

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
I like giving back to society. So if u come in and waste govt resources with trivial injuries, I'll make sure u leave with bigger injuries.

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
My job in a nutshell. RT "@medschooladvice: Patients often get better on their own. Treat them before this happens so you can take credit."

MedSkoolGunner ‏@MedSkoolGunner

On my way to the ER. Just had a seizure after my 11th large coffee refill. And yes, of course I'll be quizzing the doc on seizure meds.

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
@MedSkoolGunner Careful. ER treatment guidelines for 'caffeine seizures' and 'annoying medical student' both include 'backhand to the face'.

If you like what you see, kindly follow me on Twitter and I promise I'll make you laugh. Or gag. Or laugh whilst gagging (not as bad as it sounds. Okay I'm lying). If you definitely positively don't wanna use Twitter, at least like my Facebook page? I'll love you like Beliebers love Justin.

I Haz A New Banner, Part Thr-- Ah Screw It

Quick post to say that I updated the banner again, with my Facebook page (GO LIKE IT PLEASE, I LIKE YOU LONG TIME) and my Twitter page, as well as my new slogan! That's right, my blog now has a slogan. Why? Because these days all the kids want short simple crap that's easy to read and is preferably not longer than 140 characters and has lots of pictures. I blame Justin Bieber. Yes, I know you saw that coming.

 How do you think I survived med school without revising?

I've finally replied the truly inspiring comments on my Question Everyone Should Ask Themselves post, which I will soon feature in an upcoming post. But there was also a troll in the comments. I get one of these jokers on every other post, it seems. And because I don't want to detract from all the awesomeness in the upcoming post, I'm going to post my reply here instead.

 This is what the troll said:

Anonymous said...

@A Doc 2 Be
''I turned my company in for fraudulent financial reporting' and 'after I settled my lawsuit against them.I was destroyed financially by the company '' - that would be a doing of an idiot. No wonder you have no regrets, coz still nobody caught you reg. your alleged fraudulent activity.

@The Mildly Irritated Medic
'I can still make myself believe that I can make this work, yet I know that I need to find out quickly if that faith is misplaced.' HA HA HA, gotcha.

'And what would you say to a medic who has lost his way, but not his hope?' I'd say, HA HA HA, gotcha.

9:30 PM

And this is what I replied: 

 

The Angry Medic said...

Anonymous Keyboard Warrior: WOOP WOOP! DOUCHEBAG ALERT! Who invited the Anonymous Arsehole Squad? I bet you're their famous leader, Captain A.N. Al Penetration! Known for fearlessly leading the digital charge (into rectums. Digital Rectal Exam. AHAHA SEEWHATIDIDTHAR?) from safely behind his computer screen whilst chugging his Big Macs with one hand and washing it down with his momma's breast milk with the other!

Does it feel good trolling other people courageous enough to post their stories? Does it make you feel less of a loser sitting at home in your hot neighbour's stolen panties and your five-day stubble? At least you're not yanking off to your dad's vintage porn collection anymore, are ya? Isn't your mom proud of you?

Speaking of your mom, why don't you get back to sucking her teat, she's complaining her nipples are dry. Get off my blog. Don't forget to shove your head back into your ass on your way out, your 'roids are getting lonely.

11:38 AM

This blog is called The ANGRY Medic, not The Mildly Irritated Medic or The Slightly Grumpy Medic Who's Actually A Pretty Nice Fellow. TROLLS WILL BE TROLLED RIGHT BACK - I will shove my head so far up your ass, we'll be chewing the same piece of gum. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Cough. Now that that's out of the way, what do you think of the blog's new slogan? Dumb enough for the Beliebers?

I Haz A New Banner, Part Two

Not to distract from the really inspiring discussion going on in my last post, but after some useful feedback* on my last blog banner, I've put up a new one.

Yes, the banner on the right is an actual photo, whereas the left is Photoshopped.
And yes, I actually posted a picture of my two banners talking to each other.

What's that you ask? Am I sure I'm not schizophrenic? 

I used to be, but we're all right now.

I'm no Photoshop expert though, and whilst I thought the plastic wrap effect in my last banner was okay, a lot of people found it annoying. 

What do you think?

*feedback ranged from "whoa dude loving the new banner" to "sorry this is so late, just finished throwing up. seriously, who taught u to Photoshop? Ur blind grandmother?"

I Haz A New Banner

So I finally got off my butt and made a new blog banner to replace my 6-year-old crappy-ass one. This one accurately reflects that I am no longer in Cambridge, and moved to London and Southeast Asia, so maybe all those butthurt people who send me hate mail asking why my blog banner is so misleading will shut up now.

But I honestly can't tell whether it's good or not. So what do you think?

Is the new banner good? Bad? Ugly? Does it make you want to throw up, rip your hair out, put Justin Bieber's 'Boyfriend' on maximum volume on your radio and go into mass hysteria?

Let me know!

Blog Housekeeping and Maintenance, a.k.a. I Wish I Had A Latino Maid

You gotta do everything yourself these days. Sheesh.
(If you don't get the joke, it's a Family Guy character. Also, why don't you watch Family Guy?! Are you ill?)

Those of you who read this blog regularly (all three of you) may have noticed some changes in the sidebar and upon scrolling down posts. This can only mean one thing: The Angry Medic has been messing about with HTML and templates and other stuff too complicated for his tiny brain to understand (You're only half right. My brain is not tiny; it's just largely empty. --Editor). But because I'm such a nice guy (and because my inbox is overflowing with hate mail already --Ed.) I'd like to get your feedback on these changes. So let me just tell you about some new stuff around the site:

-- Despite my deep hatred of Twitter (more on that in the following post), I have finally succumbed and joined Twitter. You can follow me using the button on the right, and see my latest tweets in the box on the lower right in the sidebar. Please be my friend on Twitter. I promise to keep you entertained with the latest news from my miserable life. You'll feel better about yourself, because your life doesn't suck so much. Cough.

Here's a cute bird. Doesn't that deserve following me on Twitter? LOOKIT HIS BIG CUTE EYES. HE'S SHO CUTE AIN'T HE? Oh god, I think I need to vomit now.

-- Because a lot of my readers are new and haven't seen my earlier (even more vomit-inducing) but totally awesome and not at all mental-illness-causing posts, I've installed the Slide-Out Recommended Post application. If you scroll down a post (not the main page), a recommended post should slide out of the bottom right screen corner. It's only supposed to do this at the end of a post, but it's so excited to see you, it can't help but come sooner than expected. (A problem many of my friends face. For the last time guys, no I will not help you steal Viagra from the hospital. Get some therapy. --Ed.)

--  I also finally have a Facebook page! You can get my tweets, blog posts, and crappy status updates all in one place! If you're on Facebook, do a poor starving ridiculously handsome medic a favour and 'Like' my Facebook page. You won't regret it, I promise*.

But all this depends on whether you, the reader, likes it, or thinks this makes reading my blog even MORE annoying than it already is. So if you don't like it, please let me know, either in the comments or by emailing me at angrymedic [at] gmail [dot] com. Especially the slide-out thing. I already have enough people sending me flame letters and hate mail every day, thankyouverymuch (no, my lecturers haven't forgiven me yet for raising their blood pressure permanently over the course of six years. I HATE YOU GUYS TOO. --Ed.)

*Oh, who am I kidding. I crossed my fingers whilst typing that. How did I type with crossed fingers? I, uh, have very talented fingers. Just ask my rectal exam patients!

Christopher Lee Finally Knighted; Balance of Universe Restored

Note: If you've been living under a rock for the last 60 years (or are a first-year houseman doctor) and do not know who Sir Christopher Lee is, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE DO NOT POST THIS IN THE COMMENTS OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND BITE YOUR HEAD OFF WITH MY BLUNT, GAP-TOOTHED, CAVITY-RIDDEN FRONT TEETH. You think those terrorists who capture reporters and saw their heads off on camera with blunt knives are scary? You ain't seen my front teeth. There's a reason why I alone out of 500 students was asked not to smile in my graduation photo. Now excuse me whilst I go take my Ritalin. --Editor

Image taken from the official website. He holds the Guinness World Record for most movie roles, so you've definitely seen or heard him before. If you haven't, FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT POST THIS IN THE COMMENTS. If you do, hire a bodyguard and tell him to watch specifically for crazed fanboys.

Veteran actor Christopher Lee, one of my favourite people in the world (see above Note), has been conferred a Knighthood in the Queen's Birthday Honours List, making him Sir Christopher Lee.

Lee, 87, has spent his career terrifying cinema-goers.

As well as appearing in classic horror films such as 1958's "Dracula" and 1959's "The Mummy", Sir Christopher also played memorable baddie Scaramanga in the 1974 James Bond classic "The Man With The Golden Gun".

In recent years he starred as Saruman in "The Lord Of The Rings" trilogy and Count Dooku in the "Star Wars" prequels.

All I have to say to this is:

LIKE, DUDES! FINALLY!

You know, I was the one who originally broke to the world the news that Christopher Lee was reprising his role as Count Dooku in the animated film Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I posted the question on his official website and his son-in-law replied, making the official announcement that was picked up by news sites everywhere. Yep, that was me, folks. And my mom said I'd never make an impact in life. Hah! (Oh wait, my parents read this blog. Hi mom! You look lovely today! --Ed.)

Actual Star Wars statuette by Gentle Giant. No, I do not own a signed edition
which I keep in my room surrounded by flowers and love candles. Really.
Stop asking or I'll hit you with my signed edition Force FX Count Dooku lightsaber.