I'm baaaack! Not that it matters much, to the three people left still reading this blog regularly. I had to stop blogging due to this minor annoyance called work (yes, I actually became a real doctor! Aren't you proud of me? Yes? Hello? Hi Mom! -- Ed.) but I'm finally done with being a junior doctor, and the writing bug is starting to bite me again. Not because I actually have anything worth writing about, mind you, but because my patients give me so much crap I have to vent it somewhere.
A few samples of stuff I hear around the hospital in my daily routine of being your bitc-- uh, your doctor:
* * *
In medical school they teach us to end our clinic consultations by asking the patient "Do you have any other questions for me?"
THIS IS A TRAP. DON'T DO IT.
Among the questions I got today:
Doctor, why can't I urinate in a straight line?
Can you prescribe me some Viagra?
Do you know anything about Microsoft PowerPoint?
Can my cat give me the flu?
Is the new Godzilla movie any good?
Dammit I'm a doctor, not a search engine!
* * *
I run a HEART CLINIC. It is for HEART PROBLEMS. Among the problems I saw in clinic today:
Headache
Butt ache
Boyfriend dumped my daughter
Rash from shaving chest hair
Dog ate my prescription
Can't remember what I came to clinic for
Become a doctor, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
* * *
Patient's relative: Doctor, I was wondering if I could ask you something.
Me: Why of course. I'm here to help.
Relative: Oh but, I'm a little shy to ask. Sorry for the trouble.
Me: It's okay. Whatever you ask me is completely confidential. Feel free to speak. That's what doctors are for.
Relative: Oh, okay then. My mother's diaper is full of shit and the nurses aren't free. Would you mind changing her diaper?
Become a doctor, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
14 comments:
Welcome back! Hilarious stuff, I have also hit a bit of a blogging decline, sigh....
are you a shrink yet?
Dr Erhumu: Thanks so much, both for this and the Twitter post! Just visited your blog, it's still going much stronger than mine though :)
Shrinked Immaculate: Just a doctor, not a shrink yet. But at the rate I'm going, I'm going to NEED a shrink soon :)
Welcome back
Welcome back. Well this is just copy-and-paste stuff from your FB. Something new please :)
I think I'm a manic depressive blogger. I sometimes go for months without doing it - then I come back with a vengeance. It's good to check out and refresh and get new material I find.
Ohmygodyourstillalive
Glad to see you back! I always enjoy your rants!
Welcome back. Not many of us left and the few left do not write often.
Yay, you have made a triumphant return!!!!!
Great stuff, by the way!
Hi Angry,
I have missed you so much!
Love your hospital tales, more please!
Hope you are doing well.
been missing yr writing..pls share all those stuff more..welcome back
i'm intrigued to know how you responded to the cry for diaper change xD
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