Saturday, May 26, 2012

Twitter Thursday (Okay So It's Not Thursday)

Female Justin Bieber
A lot of people who read this blog aren't on Twitter, which means they miss out on the amazing humour and incisive wit that I spread there. (I don't care what you say, toilet jokes are classified as "amazing humour". That and jokes about Justin Bieber's gender. See, I type "Justin Bieber's gender" and I already feel like laughing. HAHAHAHA. Sue me. --Editor) So I thought in addition to my Heard Around The Hospital series on Mondays, I would pick the best tweets throughout the week and compile them here on Thursdays. Then call it Twitter Thursdays (check out that alliteration. Aren't I witty?). Here's a sample of tweets from the past week and before, both others and mine:

Twitter Comedians
Many Twitter users dedicate their accounts to funny tweets and humour. These are often the most popular with thousands of followers, and they work their asses off to come up with new funny stuff every day.
First u forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up; finally, you forget to pull it down. - George Burns.
Best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't hygiene, it's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

Spencer Porter @porters
A girl swiftly rubbing your back during a hug is the physical manifestation of the friend zone.

carol to the ann ‏@cazzastrophe
Starting to think that men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do.

Dr Dementia ‏@Doctor_Dementia
I came face to face with a stroke victim last night & we had a massive argument. It was pretty one sided. 
Fun With Hashtags
One of the most popular activities (read: time-wasters to avoid revising/working/talking to your family at dinner) is tweeting the Trends. This is when some topic becomes talked about by so many people that Twitter puts it on its 'Trending' page, and everyone joins in to tweet about that theme. For example, 'RIP Justin Bieber' has been trending for the past two days. I have to change my pants every time I read that.

Trends are usually preceded by a hashtag, as in the examples below:
Sophie Knight @SophieJLS1D
#LiesGirlsTellForAttention *upload facebook picture* ohhh I'm so ugly

#LifesStuff @Vainases
#IfItWasntForTwitter how else could all the beliebers annoy everyone?

Darcy Dick @darcydick
#LessAmbitiousNovels The Girl With The Temporary Tattoo

The Angry Medic @theangrymedic
#LessAmbitiousNovels The Above Average Gatsby

President Snow @President_Snow
#LessAmbitiousNovels The Not So Hungry Games.
My Stupendously Handsome Twitter Profile Pic
I have found a curious trend: people with loads of followers on Twitter sometimes aren't very funny. They're just chicks who take dubiously-angled photos of themselves in tank tops and make them profile pictures, and BAM! A thousand (new) followers. So I decided to do as the Romans do and changed my slightly, uh, scary profile pic to that of another famous Doctor whom I'm totally mistaken for all the time:

Doctor Who Profile Picture
An angry Doctor. Geddit? Totally looks like me.

My brain exploded. Need a brain transplant. Was told transplant list is 2 years long because all the world's politicians are on it. #fail

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
Variation: Prof: How does the rectum feel? Student: uh, warm? RT @NeesaAmran: #ThingsUShouldntSay during a rectal exam "Aah that feels nice"

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
#ThingsUShouldntAskUrDr "Doc, I got a papercut. I think I have flesh-eating bacteria! I read about it online."

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
I like giving back to society. So if u come in and waste govt resources with trivial injuries, I'll make sure u leave with bigger injuries.

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic
My job in a nutshell. RT "@medschooladvice: Patients often get better on their own. Treat them before this happens so you can take credit."
On my way to the ER. Just had a seizure after my 11th large coffee refill. And yes, of course I'll be quizzing the doc on seizure meds.

The Angry Doctor ‏@theangrymedic Careful. ER treatment guidelines for 'caffeine seizures' and 'annoying medical student' both include 'backhand to the face'.
If you like what you see, kindly follow me on Twitter and I promise I'll make you laugh. Or gag. Or laugh whilst gagging (not as bad as it sounds. Okay I'm lying). If you definitely positively don't wanna use Twitter, at least like my Facebook page? I'll love you like Beliebers love Justin.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know why you hate JB. I know!!!

+ funny stuff just as usual... lenghty. Instant sexifier (yes I've been pronouncing you my bf since don't know when, this causes more than slight mockery @home, so I suffer greatly in the name of love of course).