Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lost In Translation

Me being examined by Dr Kim Jong-il. (Fine, so I've put on a bit of weight, okay?)

After an extended Christmas holiday spent mostly getting fat on turkey and junk food (see above picture) and trying very, very hard to get the lyrics for this hilarious Saturday Night Live music video (and it's medically-related too! --Ed.) out of my head, I returned to Stalingrad General Hospital for a week of lectures this week. And I don't know if it was just me or Komrade Professor's droning voice putting even the flies in the lecture theatre to sleep, but I heard some pretty weird stuff every time I actually paid attention to what was being said:

"You may be surprised to hear that the field of medicine is not so like to the aviation industry. In fact, the two fields are quite different." Heard during a lecture on patient safety and statistics (and almost certainly taken out of context, because I heard it as soon as I woke up.) No shit, Sherlock! DU-UH.

"Be careful what you say during your exams. I once examined a student who gave 'Huntington's chorea' as an answer, and so I followed up by asking him "So what can you tell me about chorea?" The student sat there for a second, then leaned forward slowly and, in all seriousness, asked me, "Which one? North or South Korea?" "

Okay that woke me up.

Happy New Year to my loyal readers (yes, all three of you) and stay tuned - I've got no shortage of miserable tales to keep you entertained. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Suicidal Medical Students support group meeting to go to. Bonne nuit!

27 comments:

team america said...

you must be feeling so ronery... ;)

Dragonfly said...

Happy new year. I am sure such a group exists, even if not by that name. Nothing would surprise me anymore...

tracy said...

Love it. Angry! Great pic, looks like you had a wonder-licious holiday...heh, heh! You are still looking handsome as e v e r though!
Keep up the anger,
momma tracy

Greta said...

"I ate a grape and I jizzed in my pants". These lyrics have been stuck on repeat in my mind many o days.

Riya said...

HEY.... Happy new year.. I m an intern from India.. loved to read your blog... read some interesting posts...some really nice space in here..

Anonymous said...

you always say you have more interesting things to keep us entertained with, but you never (hardly ever) keep us entertained..

keep, keeping us entertained..thanks

Elaine said...

These posts from your hospital location are even more hilarious than your earlier ones. I found the 'photos' of all the staff just amazing.

Time for that swear word that starts with a d and ends with a t methinks.

Happy New Year, Angry

Socrates said...

Aren't you usually supposed to develop a bottle-of-gin a day habit, before the suicidal ideation?

And I hope you're looking after your new man-boobies properly.

Cambridge continues to provide ample recreation; got chased out of the Botanical Garden by the Bursar of Darwin.

First time I'd heard of it, and I told him so. He started ranting about the arrogance of "you Trinity boys" and hit me with an UEA undergrad.

Damn cheek of the man. What's a fellow supposed to do when he's too drunk to get home. (Go down the Bus Station I suppose).

Fiz said...

I love the chorea bit! Happy New Year, A.M.

Fiz said...

Socrates, how did the UEA student react to this? (Don't overly mind, UEA turned my daughter down for Drama without even a bleeding audition!)

Socrates said...

Fiz,

He took it with the same determined proletarian stiff-upper-lip that saw us through two world wars.

Not being a Hughes man is compensation enough for such petty slights.

Fiz said...

Socrates, I know Cambridge pretty well - I spent what seems like most of my life there while my daughters went to King-Slocombe Dance School for several years, but I never saw any of this! Quelle dommage! I refused to do Oxbridge Entrance in the mid-seventies because I wanted to be taught rather than be entered into the lists of Elton v Trevor-Roper's bickering. A friend who did go told me she preferred what I was doing at UKC (as it was then) and was bitterly disappointed by her History course at Cambridge. I suppose you have to live in college to understand all the ins and outs of the place!

Dave said...

oxbridge sucks my c**k

Socrates said...

Dave,

Aren't there grommets you should be polishing?

Dan said...

wow nice tits

Dan said...

Kim Jong-il is my personal hero.

he dares to be different.

i mean...

just look at his hair.

Feera said...

dave : what, all 2 inches of it?

Dave said...

Feera: well 6 and a half actuallly. i'll send you a picture if you want; bet you'll be jealous. Everyone at Oxford and Cambridge are just there to compensate for *something*

Dave said...

Actually, is feera a girl's or a boy's name?

If you're a chick i bet its more than anything you'll ever get to see...

Socrates said...

Dave,

I'm compensating for being very, very brainy.

Brainier than 99.8% of everyone in the whole world, including you.

And my dick's considerably larger than yours.

Dave said...

And how do you know that i'm not in the 99.9% percentile? Don't judge me by what i've written hear. Just cos I also have a life and a personality doesn't mean i'm not smarter than all of you lot, cos the chances are, I am

Socrates said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Socrates said...

Dave,

Someone acquainted with the 99.9% percentile wouldn't use cock-suck jokes as a opening rhetorical device.


Don't judge me by what i've written hear. Just cos I also have a life and a personality doesn't mean i'm not smarter than all of you lot, cos the chances are, I am

The evidence so far would seem to suggest otherwise.

Fiz said...

Dave, it's rather obvious that you aren't . You can't write sentences using grammar and text-ese appears to be your preferred choice of communication. QED.

Kenrick Ng said...

i see you have plenty of time in clinical school. update more lar k? love reading.

Melissa said...

north or south korea?

mwahahahahha!

poor lad, i wonder if he's gonna hate korean so much after that. for even having the same pronunciation as the medically-related (like obviously) chorea. LOL!

my only question is, if he wasn't aware that chorea was even a sign, why in blue hell did he mention it in the first place? *slaps forehead*

and oh, happy belated new year to you angry. =)

Medical Spa Position said...

Wow! That was quite the story telling! Im quite amazed at all the things you've done! No wonder your soo happy! Well I hope you had your fun and excitement. In the mean while, as winters kicking in right now, we might be expecting some change! A change in weather hopefully to the better :} I dunno, some how reading about what you wrote makes me remember things that I never thought I would have ever remembered, funny how that works doesn't it??
-Much LoVe