Snapshots Of Hell: The Cambridge Round-Up, Weeks 2, 3, 4 and 5: Of Phallic Snowmen, The Cambridge Footlights, and Her Majesty's Secret Cervix

Okay, so I've been a lazy bum (and this surprises you? Hello? Have you READ me before? Unless of course you're new to this blog, in which case, you'll learn... --Ed) and not updated the Cambridge Round-up for a few weeks now, but hey, so little happens here anyway that the local newspapers have resorted to the American FOX News-like tactics to hype and sensationalise to sell copies. So I've decided, to save everyone's time, to distill 4 weeks' worth of happenings in Cambridge to a nice little edition where you only get the most newsworthy happenings. (And if two out of those three happenings involve me, well, that's a complete coincidence. Really. --Ed)

You Think He's Compensating For Something?
I'm ashamed that Dr Crippen found this before I did. A couple of weeks ago it snowed in Cambridge, and people went as wonky as can be expected for a city in which so many people are under so much stress (for a full report on the madness that ensued, look here --Ed) but apparently I missed the most newsworthy piece of madness of all, which got highlighted in last week's edition of Dr Crippen's BritMeds. Some student, for reasons best not speculated on here, decided to erect (snigger --Ed) a statue of a rather rude bit of anatomy in the middle of Parker's Piece, and got hauled to the station for it. Take a look at the article here and see how he went nuts (giggle --Ed). Literally.

Cambridge Footlights Comedy Club Finds New Star
The Cambridge Footlights.

One of the most famous comedy clubs in the world.

For years, famous comedians have walked through its doors and jumpstarted careers that led them to international fame and fortune. Star-studded names adorn its alumni list. Hugh Laurie (Dr House). John Cleese. Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat). Douglas Adams (author of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Emma Thompson. Jimmy Carr.

And now, ME.

*thunderous applause*

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, yours truly has finally joined the ranks of Footlights comedians, as of last Tuesday, when I took to the stage in a Smoker, a selection of short sketches performed fortnightly at the ADC Theatre in Cambridge. It marks the realisation of a dream for me, as I've always wanted to go up on stage under the Footlights banner.

Of course, afterwards I had to face a very angry Director of Studies, my Senior Tutor, and two pissed-off supervisors, all of whom insisted I stop prancing about on stage and concentrate on my studies, but who cares? When I'm begging on the streets in future, at least I can say I was a Footlights comedian. What do you think about 'Will Make You Laugh For Food' as a beggars' sign, huh?

On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix
Cringe-worthy title, isn't it? But get up off the floor and out of your fetal positions, because it's actually a very witty title. Firstly it illustrates the newsworthy fact that Her Majesty WAS in fact in Cambridge, to open the new cancer wing at Addenbrookes Hospital. This grand occasion, for us normal medical students, was marked by having to wait 30 minutes in a hot, very crowded and increasingly noisy lecture theatre until it became apparent that our lecturer (who was none other than the great Professor Andrew Wyllie, discoverer of cell apoptosis) was not going to turn up. (Because, of course, being a Great and Famous Lecturer, he was off to meet the Queen. --Ed)

And now the smarty-pants-ness of the title becomes apparent, because On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix (a parody of the James Bond film title On Her Majesty's Secret Service) was the title of the Cambridge Medics Revue a few years ago. The Medics Revue is a sketch show written and performed by Cambridge medics every year, and yours truly is in this year's show, wittily titled Happy Fetus. This year it's on from March 7th to 10th, and is guaranteed to make people laugh, make my supervisor's blood pressure shoot through the roof, and make my grades fall like the life expectancy of a patient going into cardiac arrest.

But hey, at least it's vaguely academic (and by that I mean it's got the word 'Medics' in the title --Ed). So that's not so bad, right? Right?

I'm so screwed.