The Angry Medic Goes To Hospital

*pauses to allow gasps, fainting, and flying pigs to take off*

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I, who study in one of the most traditional universities in the world, a university that stuffs you up to your eyeballs with biochemical trivia for the first three years and doesn't let you see the inside of a hospital, a university that tells all its medics "Great job on getting in, mate. Now put that stethoscope away and sit down for a few years", a university that lumps its medical students and its Natural Sciences students together for one half of the medical course, have actually stepped inside a hospital.

*more gasps, more fainting, flying pigs reach stratosphere*

The University, in an attempt to make sure its students don't go insane and perhaps forget that they're doing medicine, has incorporated a patient-contact component into the pre-clinical course called Preparing For Patients. Through the mercy of this component, we clinical-exposure-hungry medics are allowed into the hospital. Once a year.

And so it is that I stepped through the hallowed infamous revolving door of Addenbrooke's Hospital:

"You do not choose the hospital. The hospital chooses you."
--Addenbrooke's Hospital Pantomime 2006

Throughout the course of my PfP placements, I visited a cystic fibrosis ward, interviewed a hospitalised drill sergeant, listened to a Red Cross surgeon who was a doctor for the Taliban in Afghanistan, and got dragged into loads of storage cupboards by hot nurses. (Okay, maybe not that last one. --Editor) And I'm going to blog about each of those experiences. (No, not the storage cupboards! Perverts. --Ed)

(Oh, and after looking into the angry mob of faces that greeted me after my last Medscape post (which, I should add, a few people misunderstood; I was NOT insulting surgeons --Ed) I saw the glares of Medblog Addict, SeaSpray and my Donald Trump action figure staring back at me, reminding me that I am WAY behind on my Apprentice reviews. So during the next few days I'll also be posting up mini-recaps of the episodes so far, leading up to Episode 5 on Sunday.)

But first, taking a cue from sensationalist media *coughFoxNewscough* (and comedian Pablo Francisco --Ed) I leave you with a selection of quotes from my upcoming posts, to preview what's in store:

"All the Taliban really wanted was to restore order to Afghanistan, and after all that, you know, open some hotels and stuff."

"Take it from an old-timer, young 'un...three rules of life. One, no whinging. Two, humour always. And three, always think positive."

"The government's screwing Hinchingbrooke over, and so I've got to come here. It's a hassle, but then again, so's the government."

"I have a great body, I really do. And I could wear that suit." --Donald Trump, referring to a bathing suit of miniscule proportions.


And, back by popular demand, a smattering of quotes to once again illustrate what a great centre of intellectual might Cambridge is:

"IS THAT A BUTT?!" --screamed across the Dissection Room by a medic upon seeing a rectal examination model for the first time.

"Is it just me, or does your uterus also look like an oesophagus?" --one (male) medic to another, during a Histology microscopy session.

"You know how every lecturer tells you 'Back in the day, we used to have to learn so much more than you do now'? Well if you keep going back in time, this means you eventually arrive at a point where ALL the medical students were bloody GENIUSES. And that's not true, because they were idiots too. Just like you." --a lecturer trying to be sympathetic.

"Oh, you're screwed." --a visiting doctor, when asked how the recent changes in the medical profession (read: MMC) would affect us differently from medical students in his time.

Says it all, really.