A Man Walks Into A Bar...

That looks painful.

Today I suffered head trauma when an old enemy hit me on the head.

As I walked into the kitchen heading for the phone, it watched silently, just out of sight. I didn't see it smile viciously, recognising its old adversary. I fiddled with the phonebook, ignorant of the danger, as it quietly plotted my downfall. Then, as I bent forward to reach for the phone, it struck.

BAM.

Damn you, wall-mounted cupboard, why must you be the same colour as the damn wall?!

As I was busy trying not to spray-paint the wall with my blood (which ironically would have made that %^#*% cupboard easier to see), a friend texted asking why I hadn't replied. I texted him back saying I was busy bleeding. And this, full of heart-warming concern and care, is the reply he sent me:

"LOL. if u had more hair on ur head dis wudnt hav happend"

Wow. Thank God for caring friends*.

Anyway, that's why I've been delayed putting out the hair-rippingly butt-slappingly funny (read: not at all --Editor) post I promised in my last post. Just lemme put some stitches in my own skull and I'll get right to it.

*For those of you who have just started reading/have forgotten/don't give a rat's ass, yes, I'm bald. THIS IS TOTALLY BY CHOICE. I shave, and I'm not balding. No, really. Don't listen to people telling you that's a bald spot, my head is just naturally pointy and hair grows at different lengt-- ah fuck it. 


Life hates me.